Have you ever had good intentions of doing something and then become a victim of self sabotage? I have, lately in fact, and I thought maybe writing about it would help end the cycle.....
Babies. We've got 'em...we've lost them...we want more...but boy, am I bound and determined to use every excuse in the book to postpone the creation of the next one! :) Eli is going on 2 and we figured we'd be ready for another one about now...Aaron is ready, I am too, sort of, but I when it gets down to it I am a big ol' scared mess about getting pregnant again. After 4 losses, Johnathan's less than ideal pregnancy and Eli's scary delivery there is just something inside me that is more than a little apprehensive, and I'm sure that's completely normal. But I need to get over it!
Recently I decided on just one last "excuse" before we tried again for baby #3 (#7 really). I wanted to get "in shape"...well just in a different shape than I am now, a more toned, fit shape...and that was going to be my last roadblock before having another baby. BUT, I have totally sabotaged myself in regards to getting into the shape that I thought I had to be in before I get preggers again. *If I'm not in shape, I can't get pregnant yet...and then I can put off facing my fears until later, that sounds good (insert cookie in mouth, forget about working out!)*...yeah, that's how my mind works I guess.
So, I am realizing that sometimes you've just got to take that leap of faith, and (obviously) I can't be the one in control...I've tried, and failed...so I'm just going to give up this fight of worrying needlessly about the future regarding the next baby and just see what happens! AND, I am going to try to get even more fit so I can keep up with my boys who have their own way of keeping me in shape! :)
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