Friday, August 10, 2012

Missing His Big Brothers

The last couple of weeks have made me very contemplative.  I've had my sweet Johnathan on my mind especially.  Several times during the last month he has expressed to me how he is sad about his big brothers, Gideon & Daniel, dying.  It warms my heart to know that he thinks of them, but also causes something inside of me to ache...that deep, soul ache that is always there, behind the happy smiles and good times, still there in the secret part of our hearts...a reminder of who we've lost.  

During our family vacation Johnathan's apprehensiveness about trying new things became very apparent.  He didn't want to try anything which made for a lot of frustration.  Eli on the other hand is a little dare-devil, and he'll try anything...he has a big brother to look up to and to try to out-do.  So I can't help but think that Johnathan is missing something, someone, two someones...Gideon & Daniel.  Two big brothers that would have undoubtedly had a positive impact on his little life, encouraged him in all things boy and would have pushed him to try to do new things, if only to out-do them!  Yet, even though our sweet Heaven babies will never meet their siblings here on this earth, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they will still impact their brothers' lives...isn't it already evident with Johnathan's missing them?

I remember thinking and praying after Gideon passed away that someday, when we'd tell his siblings about him, that his story would open up a way for us to explain Heaven to our children in a tangible way.  And it really has, I've had numerous conversations with Johnathan about where his brothers are, Who is with them and how someday we'll be able to see them again with Jesus.  I am very thankful for that, but it doesn't stop the ache.  I still miss them. 

Next month marks Daniel's 8th Heaven birthday...there were days following his death that I didn't think I could last another day, and here it is, almost eight years later.  It is really hard to believe that we've lasted this long.  The power of Hope is a wonderful thing.  It is only because of Jesus that we've been able to make it through the toughest years of our lives...and what blessings He has now given us to take care of!  Johnathan & Eli are definitely the joys of our lives after such extreme sorrow.  Thank you, Jesus, for them!

Our Sweet Blessings!

Have a great Friday, y'all!

1 comment:

Dad said...


These words are so very dear, insightful and loving.

I love and appreciate you more than you'd ever know.

I love ALL my grandsons too!