Friday, November 12, 2010

Feeling Nostaligic & Wanting a {BFF}

This morning was weird. Out of the blue I started aching for someone I've wanted for a long time...a "best friend forever"...or as Anne of Green Gables called it, a "kindred spirit or bosom buddy." Now, don't get me wrong, growing up with 5 sisters I sort of have an instant circle of friends, and I do consider my sweet sisters (and my mom) my best {girl} friends on earth...but sometimes I just want someone to pick me as their "best friend"...I want someone to have a choice in wanting to get to know me and to pursue a friendship with me that would last a lifetime. Is that silly?

Growing up I never had a huge group of friends, and there was a time when it seemed like I didn't really have any friends at all. I remember distinctly feeling so lonely for a comrade, especially after one of my really good friends had moved away. Fairly soon after God brought someone into my life that really helped to fill that good girl friend void. We became fast friends, best friends, and we did everything together. It was great. Then college came, circumstances changed and the person that I thought I could count on forever was gone.

Fast forward to today. I don't know what got me into this nostalgic mood...maybe it was seeing some pics of old childhood friends on facebook and yearning for yesteryear...probably...and probably also from feeling somewhat isolated here in our current "home town"...sad, we've been here 4.5 years, and the friends we've made are so different, for the most part, in their choices of how to live their lives that it really isn't possible to have that forever kind of friendship with them. Generally speaking, the lifestyle of doctors and the circles of friends that surround them are so extremely worldly and so out of touch with any kind of moral standard that becoming close friends is difficult. You really start to feel like an outsider and with residency schedules being so unpredictable it's been hard for us to plug into a Christian community. I miss being able to talk to someone, a friend, who loves Christ.

I know that friendships require give and take...when it's all one way or the other it doesn't make for very good grounds for a deep friendship to grow on. I am not trying to say that I've always been the best friend, no flaws, no faults...but I have often felt that if I don't keep giving and pursuing my friendships that they will just fall apart...and in fact, a lot of them have. I have felt though that if the other party isn't willing to give to the friendship that maybe it really isn't a friendship worth pursuing anyways. Maybe this isn't the right kind of attitude, but sometimes I am just plain tired of keeping up with people who are just as well without me in their life. So, I stop trying and the friendship fizzles out. It stinks.

Every once in a while someone comes along that I get really hopeful about...we come from similar backgrounds, our values line up more or less and I'll try to initiate a friendship. Seems that everyone is already set in their group of "good friends" tho, and I feel like I'm back in high school, wishing to be a part of their "clique"...but feeling like an outsider who doesn't belong. And, I admit, I'm jealous of those people who have had their best friends since they were young. That must be so amazing to have.

Well, this post doesn't need to be a total pity party. I am very grateful for the friends that I do have in my amazing husband, who is truly the best of all best friends...aside from Jesus, of sweet sons who are perfect little companions, my wonderful parents, my precious brother and sisters, and my extended family...seriously, who could really ask for more than that? I am blessed beyond measure, that is for sure. And who says you can't be best friends with your family? Maybe that is how it should be. Whatever the case, I guess the most I can do is keep offering up my friendship and be the kind of friend that I want someone to be to me.


1 comment:

Precious Moments said...

Thanks for your sweet message. I am glad that God laid it on my heart to write on that today, I feel that many moms out there are in the same boat ya know.

I wish we lived closer, I know the kids would love to play. And I for sure know that we could enjoy Starbucks and mommy talks :)

I hope your weekend is good. Love ya girl