Thursday, June 10, 2010

A Day Without my Baby

Okay, back again to log some more thoughts of the birth of Eli...

...Most of Sunday afternoon and evening was a blur. The medicine that the doctor gave me to calm me down was a retrograde amnesiac, which caused me to forget the events soon after the medicine was administered for several minutes at the least...there are so many things that I apparently did/said that I don't recall at all...pretty weird feeling to know that you did something and can't remember what it was! Apparently I had a nice conversation with Aaron and the doctor, and they laughed that I wouldn't remember any of it...well, they were right! I sure don't!

Anyways, I felt a bit foggy for the rest of the day which was probably a good thing because Eli was in the NICU and I was stuck in bed for 24 hours before I could get up, and if I hadn't been a bit on the fuzzy side I would have gone crazy not being able to see him for over a whole day. It is a horrible feeling not being able to be with your new baby...especially when you've spent the previous 8 months with him right there inside of you, with you all of the time. It was tough, but I tried not to dwell on it too much because I couldn't do anything about it. I just had to be patient...oh, what a pain it is to be patient sometimes!!!

I do remember my sweet sister Gwenny getting there, and I think that we stayed up until at least 1 in the morning talking and enjoying good sisterly companionship. It was great...and even though I was stuck in bed in the hospital, it sort of felt like a slumber party! We watched TV, ate snacks (well, I had some infamous hospital jell-o!) and called the nurse in several times to empty my catheter bag...doesn't that just scream slumber party?!! ;)

The next morning Aaron came to pick up Gwenny so that they could spend some time with Johnathan...poor baby, I missed him too!...and I had some time to myself to rest and reflect. I was starting to get pretty anxious about not having seen my baby yet, and my heart ached for my little Eli. Funny how you can fall so in love with your child after only a glimpse of their precious form. I needed my baby...needed to see him for myself to see that he was going to be okay.

Toward the late afternoon I couldn't take it anymore, and I let myself cry out all of the emotions that I was feeling. My nurse found me that way, and assured me that I would be able to go see my baby around 5:00 pm when I got transferred to the post-partum/mother & babies section of the hospital. The day dragged by and 5 o'clock seemed to take forever to come, but eventually I got prepared to move rooms and I was so excited to go see my sweet boy. I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold him yet, but even just looking at him would be enough. Aaron helped me as I got ready to leave...and then I had my first experience with the NICU...

...more on that later!


1 comment:

Gail said...


I'm so sorry for all you had to go through when you weren't allowed to see your baby. What a relief that must have been to see him....

Love you.