Thursday, June 17, 2010

Going Home...Alone

Wednesday, May 26th, my doctor released me from the hospital. I had mixed emotions about leaving...on the one hand I was so excited to go home and see had been 3 whole days since I had seen him, and I missed him so much...but on the other hand I knew it would be hard to walk out of those hospital doors without my baby...too reminiscent of my first two deliveries where I walked away with empty arms, but this time for a whole different reason. Still, just the same, I knew it would be tough.

As I showered Wednesday morning and had a nice good cry as the water poured over me. I always seem to break down in the shower when I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable...something about the soothing warm water and being alone just causes my own water-works to flow. There is something very therapeutic about it, and I always feel so much better afterward. So, I had my cry and was done with it for then at least.

After finishing all the paperwork and paying (for some) of my hospital stay, I was prepared to leave, and Aaron came to pick me up. Gwenny helped me to bring all of my stuff down and out to the car, and as I walked outside I saw that Aaron had surprised me by bringing Johnathan along...although the little sweetie was asleep in the Aaron wanted me to wait to see him until we were headed away from the hospital. Aaron and I walked upstairs again to visit Eli in the NICU before driving home, and my sister and mom stayed in the car with Monkey. I had another little cry walking up to the NICU, but gathered myself together before arriving so that I could enjoy my time with my baby and not be all teary.

We left our sweet boy in good hands, and Aaron and I walked out of the hospital, very thankful that Eli was doing so well, and feeling very blessed to have two precious sons on this earth. I was so excited to get to see Johnathan...and as I opened the car door my eyes watered again as I saw my sweet sleeping angel. He opened his eyes briefly as I touched his precious face, and he looked at me with the sweetest face...a face that said, "Mama, I'm glad you're with me again, I missed you."

Wednesday afternoon passed quickly, and before I knew it my sweet sister and friend, Gwen, was headed back home to be with her own family. I am so thankful that she was able to be with me for 3 whole days, and I know that her presence kept me calm and comforted for the few days following Eli's unexpected delivery where she was able to be with me. Thank you again, sweet Gwen.

Wednesday evening came and I was aching for my sweet baby. My mom drove me back to the hospital, and I got to visit my precious boy for a little while...just enough time to ease my aching heart 'til I could come back again the next day.

And that was Wednesday.



goatpod2 said...

I bet it was hard to leave your sweet Eli!


Gail said...

Your words really reflect your heart, Gracie. I love reading about your experience...and the emotions you went through. Life is so precious, isn't it?

Love you TONS,